Constrained
by Kirsti-Lee
Summary: The walls are closing in around him. Voices taunt him, he's weak, he's alone. He cannot get out...and Dumbledore said this was for his own good.
1. Chapter 1

The scratching of the quill was the only sound coming from the room, save for the occasional stifled mutter. Dark eyes critically scanned scrolls of messy writing; angry slashes appeared to have a mind of their own as they soaked into the flimsy material. Firelight bathed the room, but still the hunched figure shivered. Contrary to popular belief, Severus did get cold, hence all of the layers of thick clothing. Padding down the hall lightly, a man with long straight ebony hair stopped, looked into the room and grinned.

"Talking to yourself again, Snape?" he smiled, malice lighting up his usual sombre features.

Severus neither looked up nor stopped his furious marking.

"Still your witty self, Black. It still amazes me that you have the brains to speak, let alone form full sentences,"

Inwardly, Sirius winced. _Nice one _he thought ruefully.

"Warming you blood are you?" he gestured to the merrily burning fire. "It's just a shame that you don't hibernate for the winter with all of your snake buddies,"

The gashes appeared more frequently, thick and with long sweeping comments such as "Your complete lack of competence has shone through particularly well in this essay, once more proving my belief in your inability to read even basic English" or "Ineptitude is demonstrated with every word-well done. Next time, don't even bother to submit homework".

Sirius stalked arrogantly over to the table, carelessly glancing at the reddened parchment.

"You're in a good mood, as always," he remarked, ignoring Severus' stony front.

He sat on the edge of the desk, knocking a jar of glazed caterpillars to the floor.

Finally, after minutes of strained silence, Severus broke it.

"What do you require, Black? I'm afraid the only thing I can help you with is to give you directions to the exit,"

The animagus shrugged, whistling softly.

"Bored," he whined, before grinning once more.

His smile seemed to have none of the legitimacy it had had before Azkaban. Severus Snape had a wraith of a man sitting on his desk (It wasn't the first time such an event had occurred, by the way.)

"Must I endure your presence? Why don't you go mark a tree or chase Mrs. Norris?" Severus replied, dropping his quill, pale hands reaching to massage his aching temple.

"I just…never mind…" Sirius seemed confused; an expression rarely seen filtering over his face.

"Sorry," he muttered, leaving the room.

Severus stared after him, mouth hanging open. He had just received an apology from Sirius Black!

The Headmaster looked up, eyes twinkling when they fell upon his once beloved student, Sirius Black.

"Ah! Sirius, sit down, sit down, Sherbet Lemon? No? Well then, dear boy, I have something to discuss with you,"

Sirius sat down rather awkwardly. On too many occasions had this been the scene of punishments and humiliation for childish pranks and bullying. A pink blush spread over his pallid complexion, as he remembered his foolishness.

"Now, as you know, you are a wanted man. However, in a raid last night, the Ministry of Magic captured Peter Pettigrew," Dumbledore savoured these words, allowing them to take full affect.

"I'm…I'm free?" whispered Sirius, eyes bulging.

"Yes," replied Dumbledore softly. "You will be receiving a full pardon from the Ministry, and the Order of Merlin, First Class, as compensation for your mistreatment,"

Sirius felt joyful tears prick his eyes.

"Thankyou, Headmaster," he said, standing.

Dumbledore extended a wizened hand.

"No, thankyou, Sirius, for all that you have done for Mr Potter and the Order,"

Sirius gingerly shook it, almost recoiling. On fewer and fewer occasions could he stand any human contact at all; his brief moments of affection extended only to Harry and on some occasions Remus.

If Dumbledore noticed this, he didn't show it.

"I would like to offer you something else, before you leave Sirius. I want you to consider it, for Harry if for no one else,"

Sirius froze.

"I want you to live on the school grounds, at least until the threat of Voldemort is gone. I believe it is in everybody's best interest for you to remain here," Dumbledore said gravely.

"I don't….I can't…" Sirius began desperately.

"There is no room for argument, Sirius. Your safety, and more importantly, the safety of the Order is at stake," answered the older wizard.

"What about Order Meetings?" Sirius managed, after frantically combing his mind for suggestions.

"We have a new venue, sources tell me that the old one is no longer safe. Now Sirius, wards have been place on the school grounds, preventing you from leaving. I hope these wards need never be tested, Sirius. You may leave,"

Dumbledore's tone ended Sirius's feeble arguments leaving him no choice but to leave the room with well, his tail between his legs, so to say.


	2. Chapter 2

The walls of the castle seemed to be closing in on him. He picked up his pace, heart thumping loudly. Dark, everything was so dark…scuffling in the dark.

"Who…who's there?" Sirius croaked hoarsely.

"Jumping at shadows, are we, Black?" sneered a familiar voice.

Sirius leapt backwards, colliding with the wall.

The voice spoke again, causing the man to flinch.

"Black? Answer me!"

Angry, the voice was angry. Sirius slid down the wall, hitting the ground with a thump. His teeth were chattering so hard they felt like they were trying to jump out of his head. The darkness was closer now, his eyelids were closing…

"Severus? Is that you?" Dumbledore's feeble voice called to him.

Severus looked up, interrupted in his silent examination of Black's prone form. Truthfully, he was astounded; the man had practically fainted from pure terror.

"Yes, Headmaster. It appears Black is afraid of the dark," Severus' word held a hint of sarcasm, noted Dumbledore, as well as curiosity.

"I see," said Dumbledore. "Then I trust you can handle the situation, Severus,"

Before he could say another word, the headmaster was gone, leaving a furious Potions Master behind.

Unceremoniously, the animagus was dumped on his bed. He moaned gently, as Severus strode from the room. Pausing at the unexpected sound, Severus turned and lit a torch hanging from the wall. Sirius became silent once more, a soft smile gracing his face.

"Stupid mongrel," muttered Snape, as he left.

Stretching, Sirius stared up at his stony ceiling. "_How did I get back here?" _he wondered. The last thing he could remember was going to the Great Hall, looking for a book he'd left there during dinner. Suddenly, Sirius bolted upwards, breath catching in his throat. The voice! The shadows! His cheeks burned with sudden realisation; it had been Snape. Snape who had seen him cower, fearful of the dark.

He stared resolutely at his porridge, ignoring Severus gaze. If he'd raised his head even a little, he would have noticed the weird mixture of hatred and concern in those eyes. Sighing, he stood and quickly left the room, unable to handle the tension any longer.

Darkness was falling around him once more, filling him with terror. Sobs escaped his mouth. Taunts, screams and moans filled the room. Sirius threw himself from his bedroom, racing down the dark hallway, tears streaming down his face. He had to escape, it was coming, and it was after him.

"Run, Black, Run. You know you will never escape me," 

"No, No!" shrieked Sirius, colliding with a warm object.

"You again!"

Shocked once more, Severus held the shaking man at arms length. Sirius wasn't looking at him at all; rather he was crying and had his eyes closed tightly.

"Come on, Black, back to your room," he gave him an almost gentle push in the direction of his room.

"No….plllease…" sobbed Sirius, suddenly grabbing the taller man.

Severus froze as Sirius' arms clasped around him.

"Help me Remus…" gasped Sirius, eyes still closed.

Ah. So that was it. The stupid mutt thought he was Lupin.

"I'm NOT your pet werewolf, Black," he pushed the man away from him.

Sirius flinched and crouched against the wall.

Clenching his teeth, Severus grabbed Sirius' shirt collar.

"You're coming with me, Black,"

Two calming draughts later, and Sirius was still hiccupping and slightly hysterical.

"Really, Black," said Severus, exasperated.

"Remus is dead isn't he?" asked Sirius tearfully.

Severus studied him closely for a few moments, before replying.

"No, your pet is away on a mission for Dumbledore. He's scheduled back tomorrow," oddly enough, Severus didn't want to taunt his enemy; it was obvious that Black was lost enough as it was.

"Perhaps you'd like Dumbledore to confirm this?" he managed to keep his voice neutral.

Sirius shook his head, still shaking profusely. His eyes roamed over to the furthest corner of the room, shuddering as he saw the pitch-dark area. Frowning, Severus stood.

"Then you'd better return to your rooms, Black," he once again kept any animosity from creeping into his tone.

To his surprise, Black didn't answer, allowing a single tear to drop from his face before standing. He stared at the dim hallway outside the room.

Severus sighed once more, tossing him a blanket.

"You can stay here then," he said ungraciously.

The door behind his office was pulled open, leaving Sirius alone in the room, to wonder why Snape was being so nice to him.

Huddling on the chair, he once more had to hold in his screams. Snape's candles were burning awfully low, casting weird shapes on the jar covered walls. Eventually, his soft whimpers ceased, as his head dropped down to his knees and he slept. Severus, peering at his unexpected guest through the door, smiled ruefully.

The aroma of coffee greeted Sirius the next morning. He lifted his neck, groaning as his neck protested.

"Here, take it," a cup was pushed into his hands.

"Thanks," he murmured, gratefully taking a sip.

The fire flared suddenly, and Albus' head appeared in the grate.

"Severus, my office, now!" he shouted, soot falling into his beard.

Shrugging the greasy haired man left the room.

"Severus," Dumbledore motioned to the plump chair in front of his desk.

His face was pale behind his already white beard.

"I have something regretful to tell you, Severus, but I do not wish Sirius to find out from me," Dumbledore paused.

"I want you to tell him for me,"

Severus sneered.

"Tell him what, exactly?" he asked snidely.

"That...Remus Lupin will not be returning from his last mission," Dumbledore said sadly.

Surprisingly, Black was still in his office when he returned. He looked up, after studying a jar of caterpillar legs.

"Oh? Back already?" Sirius gave a watery smile. "I was going to leave…but then I spotted these and just had to know what they were and…"

"Sit down Black, there's something I need to tell you,"


	3. Chapter 3

"It's Remus isn't it?" Black turned his eyes to meet his former nemesis.

Severus could only nod. If Black already knew, there was no point in hiding or trying to break it to him gently.

"So I'm the last one. The last one left," Sirius muttered.

He did not seem upset; indeed he did not seem to be the Sirius that Severus had known since childhood. Rather he seemed a shadow of his former self, a wraith of a man unable to conquer the hand that life had dealt him.

"Dumbledore did ask me to inform you. However it seems you already know," Severus tried to keep the petulance from his voice; he should be relieved. He had been relieved of his onerous task, and Sirius wasn't sobbing on his desk or screaming at him. That was a plus.

"Yes, I felt it, I felt his death. His pain," Sirius gazed at him blankly. "I'm going to leave now,"

Severus simply nodded. What more could he do? The man in front of him was neither friend nor ally, and truthfully, he did not care for him. He did-should not care that Black was a dead man walking. He should not let his haunted gaze disturb him. Most importantly, he should not want to be the one to chase those ghosts away.

The man huddled deep in his armchair, a nearly empty Fire whiskey bottle in one hand. In his other hand however, a small silver dagger was glinting in the firelight. If Sirius noticed his hand was covered in blood, outwardly he did not show it. His face was slack, staring at the wildly dancing flames getting lost in the steps of the dance. He was completely lost.

Severus glared at the door, face showing pure hatred and indecision. He turned his gaze to the calming draught in his pale hands, asking himself why he cared enough to be doing this. No one had asked him. No one had forced him, and yet here he was, standing outside Black's door. He knew he was inside, because of the light dancing under the door. He sighed and knocked, waiting impatiently. He knocked again and tried the handle. To his surprise he turned it easily- Sirius had not locked his door evidently.

"Black," Severus growled.

Now he was here he was finding it hard to keep up a friendly front. Sirius was sitting with his back to the door, the hand with the whiskey bottle the only one visible from where Severus was standing. He still wasn't answering. Severus felt a sudden fear that he could not explain.

"Black!" he was at his side in seconds, fearing the worse and trying to shake him awake. He groaned when he saw the knife imbedded deep in the man's thigh, and the bloodied hand and wrist. Sirius however, blearily opened one eye and quickly closed it again.

Severus gritted his teeth and pulled the knife out. Sirius made a noise that wasn't exactly unhappy.

'Oh great. The suicidal mutt actually likes it,' Severus thought despairingly.

Quickly he stopped the bleeding, leaving scabs covering both leg and wrist. It was the best he could do; he was pretty useless at healing spells having always relied on potions for such things himself. He wasn't sure Black would have lived if he ducked off to get a few healing potions.

"Don't feel well" moaned Sirius, leaning forward.

"Well no wonder. You've only been trying to kill yourself with alcohol and stabbing yourself. How did you expect to feel?" Severus retorted, stepping back to avoid getting vomit on his shoes.

"M'not," replied Sirius, face in hands.

"You just stabbed yourself in the leg, and now you're telling me you're NOT suicidal," drawled Severus, one eyebrow raised.

"Makes me feel better,"

There was a moment of complete understanding between the two men, broken only by Sirius vomiting again violently and passing out.

"Great," said Severus. "Just great,"

He soon had him stripped and lying on his side in bed.

'Why does this keep happening to me?' Severus thought desperately. Now he was going to have to spend his night babysitting the mutt, all because he had melted the ice around his heart a little and tried to surprise Black with a calming draught he had obviously needed hours before. Sighing, Severus settled in a chair beside the bed and was soon nodding off. He cast a simple spell that would alert him if Sirius either left the bed or if he was in any physical distress. Soon he was as dead to the world as Sirius.

Cocooned in a nest of warmth and blankets, Sirius refused to move. He knew if he did, the slight ache in his head would become a raging storm of pain if he did. Still, he knew he would have to, because he would have to cover his wounds…which were already bound. He rolled over and found himself looking at none other than Severus Snape.

"Uhh what happened?" Sirius mumbled to himself, staring down at his wrists.

He slowly got out of bed so as to not disturb Severus, who had leant forward in the armchair and was resting his head on the bed. It did not work however, as Severus stirred as soon as a foot touched the floor. Severus looked up, hair tousled and a thin line of drool on his cheek. Under any other circumstances and with any other person, Sirius may have found it cute, but one look at Severus' face was enough to scare the devil himself. Severus seemed to be boiling from the inside out, and Sirius knew he was going to cop it any second. He winced and swung his legs over the bed. Now he was not looking at the irate man, it was easier to breathe. He imagined Severus would be puffing up like a peacock behind him, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"So you're just going to ignore me now Black?" asked a voice rigid with control.

"I…no…I just…" Sirius licked dry lips. "I don't want to see anyone at all,"

"Why?" the simplicity of the question completely threw Sirius.

"I don't know," he confessed quietly.

A sudden warmth touched his hand, fingers gently tracing his own. Sirius turned as Severus pulled back, red tinging his normally pale face.

"I should go," Severus said standing, dignity forgotten.

"Please," Sirius said loudly, but as Severus left, he whispered. "Don't go,"

When he had left, Sirius stood and groaned; his head was a mass of pain still, and his breath was deadly. He ached all the way to a boiling hot shower, and ached all the way back. Still in a towel, there came a knock at the door. When Sirius opened it he saw a goblet with a note attached.

"Thought you could use this- headache potion- SS"

Sirius smiled broadly, his first real smile in a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

"You could make your headache potions taste a little better you know. They taste awful, they should taste like cinnamon or something," Sirius said, lounging idly in Severus' doorway. He had no idea why he felt so compelled to visit the Potions Master again, he just did.

"I'm surprised you can taste at all, I would have thought that you would have burnt off all your taste buds with all that Fire Whiskey you consumed," Severus was smiling softly, and could not seem to muster his usual maliciousness where Black was concerned.

"You're losing your touch, man. I've been here five minutes and I haven't seen and evil expression yet,"

Severus sighed and replied quietly. "I'm tired,"

"Tired? Oh…sorry," Sirius had the grace to look ashamed, but personally, he would prefer NOT to remember the night before.

"Look, no one asked you to stay there last night. You could have just left me- no one would blame you if you did," Sirius said sadly.

"You would have died if I did nothing, and much as I despise you Black, I would wish that on no one," Severus replied staring at him intently.

"I wish I WAS dead!" Sirius almost shouted, fists clenched. "They're all dead! Lily, James, Remus and Peter might as well be dead for all I care! What is there left for me? Who is left for me?"

He said the last sentence quietly, as if saying it caused him great pain deep inside. Tears fell freely from his pale face, and sobs caught in his throat. Severus meanwhile was still staring impassively at him.

"Anyway, what do you care? About any of this? You've always hated me!" he continued.

"I don't care, Black. I never have, nor will I in the future," he said it so simply, so clearly that for a second Sirius could not believe his ears.

"W…What?" Sirius asked in disbelief.

"You heard me, Black. Now get out," Severus said without looking up.

Sirius let out a sob and quickly left the room, missing the brief flash of remorse of Severus' face.

Finally calm after Severus' unexpected rebuff, Sirius sat in the library, a place he had despised as a student. He was desperately trying to collect his thoughts, which was only confusing him. Severus said he did not care, but he had sat with him all night, saved his life and for no reason at all, left him headache potions? The others could be reasonably explained, but the last was for Sirius' own comfort, not to save his life or anything. Sirius had been admitted amongst the sacred books by a sniffing Madam Pince, who was still staring at him as if he were a criminal. Update, his name had been cleared publicly, stupid woman. She began speaking.

"I can't believe that Albus is letting you run lose in his school. Exposing a nasty criminal like you to the student body will do nothing to help them, mark my words. I don't believe any of the excuses he gave the prophet; to me you will always be a deatheater…" But Sirius had not waited to hear anything else she had to say. He had fled from the room, overturning a small bookcase in his wake. Sirius ignored Madam Pince's shrieks of horror and dashed into the hallway.

As soon as he got into his room, he grabbed a bottle of Fire Whiskey. Quickly, he tilted his head back, downing the fiery liquid. He heard the bell go for dinner; school holidays were ending and many of the teachers had returned early. Severus was the only one to stay at Hogwarts full time during the holidays. Obviously the teachers were getting together for dinner; most of the meals Sirius had were alone in his room, or in the great hall.

'I'll go down too. I don't care if that awful woman is there. She won't say anything in front of the others,' Sirius thought as he took another gulp of whiskey. And another. Not until the bottle was empty did he stir from his rooms, and he was starting on a second as he made his way down to the great hall. He literally fell into the room and with a drunken giggle made his way to a spare seat. He ignored all the shocked glances and just kept giggling quietly to himself, but he looked anything but happy.

Severus was listening to an enthusiastic Professor Sprout who was talking about the properties of Bubbling Beans when Sirius fell into the room. When he stood, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth he was giggling at nothing an ignored everyone else in the room. That is, until Madam Pince spoke. She had been glaring at Sirius since he entered the room, and his inebriated state did nothing to make her change her opinions of him.

"Can't understand why some people dare to show their face at Hogwarts. I know I wouldn't if I murdered my best friends…" she sneered at the intoxicated Black.

He turned an unfocused gaze at her.

"I…don't…like…you," slurred Sirius.

"Good. I don't like you either. Albus, he's drunk. You can't expose HIM to children!"

"Then I'll go," Sirius said unexpectedly, as he stood unsteadily. He threw a half eaten chicken bone at the infuriated Madam Pince. As she spluttered with rage he slowly made his way from the room, falling every couple of steps. When he neared the door, still swaying, Severus shot a venomous look at the librarian and excused himself. Sirius had not made it far from the hall; he was sitting on the ground sobbing brokenly and loudly.

"Stupefy," Severus murmured quietly, catching him as he fell backwards.

"Black, we have GOT to stop meeting like this," Severus muttered to cover how he really felt. The man was just so broken, and whether he knew it or not, he needed Severus to put him back together. He muttered a spell to levitate Black and took him back to his personal chambers.

Bang. Bang. Bang. His head seemed to pulse like a separate entity from his body entirely. A glass was pressed against his lips and instinctively he drank it. The liquid was vaguely familiar, but there was also a hint of cinnamon.

"Mmm…" he murmured. "Yum,"

"I'm glad you like it Black, but I must again register my surprise that you can taste at all. Judging by your taste in liquors, I'd say you have no taste at all,"

Sirius managed a weak laugh before it turned into a coughing fit.

"You added flavour,"

"You're coughing up blood, Black, and you notice that?" Severus commented as he gently mopped it from Sirius' face

"So, Doc, how long so I have to live?" Sirius joked.

"At this rate, I'd say a week at most," Severus said seriously.

"Good," replied Sirius, equally serious.

"I thought you said you didn't want to die," Severus remarked.

"I don't know what I want," Sirius finally opened his eyes, which were wet with unshed tears.

"Well, I want you to stop using up all my potions stock," Severus replied to cover his discomfort at seeing black upset once more.

"Then stop giving them to me," Sirius said, curling up on his side.

He looked so incredibly vulnerable, so dispirited. It was a repeat of his past encounters with the man. Extremely hesitantly, he brushed a stray hair from Sirius' forehead. The man was staring at him with such desperation. His raw naked, need was written all over his face. He needed to have a purpose, to have someone there for him, so much so that he would even go to Severus for it. He let his hand rest on Sirius' forehead, feeling the man lean eagerly into his touch.

"Tell me what you want," Severus whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

"I want someone to care. Someone who needs me," Sirius replied softly.

"You know I cannot be that person," Severus stated bluntly.

Sirius nodded glumly.

"And yet there's no one else," Sirius said. "Harry only contacts me when he needs help; that is how it should be. He's just a boy after all. He doesn't need what I can bring into his life. You heard that woman tonight. I'm useless as a godfather,"

He sounded so wistful; what harm could it do to comfort him, just this once? And yet Severus himself was so desperately afraid of rejection that he could not bring himself to move.

"Please," Sirius whispered. "Help me,"

Severus brought the other man into his arms, cringing when the expected rejection was not forthcoming. Instead the man clung to him tightly, savouring his presence. It was a new sensation, utterly intoxicating. They remained locked this way, lost in the awareness of simply being with another human; one revealing in newfound sensation, the other remembering past association, neither hearing the door open.

"Ah Severus, I see you have found our wayward Mr Black. I trust you will fix the situation,"

Severus threw himself backwards, cheeks burning crimson with embarrassment.

"Professor!! It's not what you think! I was just…just…" babbled, completely flustered.

"Carry on," Albus said, a twinkle in his eye as he viewed the unexpected couple.

As he left, Severus buried his face in his hands. The one time he had let down his guard, Dumbledore had caught him! The entire staff would know before breakfast tomorrow.

"Ummm…Severus?" Sirius asked hesitantly.

"WHAT?" snarled Severus in response.

"Just tell everyone I was still drunk. Then they will still think badly of me, and your icy cold reputation remains intact,"

Severus stared down at the man now lying on his couch in disbelief. What did he care for Severus reputation? He had never demonstrated so before, especially in their childhood years. Sirius seemed to shrivel under the insistent gaze and stood shakily.

"I had better be going…" but when he looked out he realised just how late it had gotten.

Again, blackness filled the halls, filled his heart. Even 'lumos' would not save him from darkness this forbidding. Even as he stood there, he could hear the screams of terror; he was back in Azkaban, lost in a hell of his own making. But he had to leave the light, and traverse the darkness. Severus was still staring at him, he was sure. He closed his eyes, body tensed for flight…when a silken hand touched his. The screams in his mind diminished, but his fear did not.

"Come now, Black. You did not think I would force you out to face your greatest fear. Not even I am that heartless," Severus' voice helped, but he was still shaking profusely. "Come on Black. Come back to yourself. You aren't there anymore. They cannot hurt you any longer,"

"But they are! They are always here, in my head, taunting me they will never leave!"

Severus sighed, his face betraying the concern he felt.

"Don't make me regret this Black," he said, and gently wrapped his arms around him from behind. His head rested on the other man's shoulder and he covered Sirius' eyes with the other hand. Sirius winced and leant back into the awkward embrace

"Now walk back into the room with me, and don't look outside. I am right behind you," Severus breathed.

Nodding jerkily, Sirius closed his eyes and did as he was bidden. Not once did the other man let go, or complain; he simply held him until the hallway was gone and Sirius was back in the brightly lit room

"Thank you," he whispered through tightly clenched teeth.

"You're welcome," Severus replied. 'But don't expect it again,"

At breakfast many of the teachers seemed to be looking at him with knowing eyes, except Madam Pince, who looked utterly outraged. Severus had the feeling she was off her Christmas card list. Albus still had that twinkle in his eye, especially when Severus sat at one end of the table and Sirius the other. When conversation had died down a little, Sirius was heard to loudly remark.

"I did what? With who?! Well I must have been more drunk than I thought! No really…I always get affectionate when I'm drunk. Unfortunately for me my choice of victims was not the best! Ugh!"

There was stifled laughter amongst the staff; most thought it was the usual unfriendly comment Sirius would make about Severus.

"Well Black, I can say it was not amusing being on the receiving end of such antics, I can assure you," he said it dryly, and shot a look of pure hatred down the table. The staff assumed the world was back to normal; a world without the hatred of Severus Snape and Sirius Black was utterly inconceivable. Only one man still had that knowing twinkle in his eye; the irrepressible Albus Dumbledore.

Sirius felt oddly happy throughout that day. He had avoided other people all day, but for once it had not bothered him. Severus had seemed pleased with his performance at breakfast and the other staff members had gladly accepted all his excuses. His rooms did not seem as confining as they had once done, rather they felt familiar and welcoming, a place where he did not have to prove himself to anyone. He spent the day reading and lounging around and was soon so lost in his book that he did not notice the creeping shadows. When he finally did, he was filled with instant terror. He jumped up flinging his book away and desperately searching for candles, but his hands shook so much he could not light them.

"You're pathetic you know? It's barely dark!" rumbled a voice from the doorway.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six.

A/N I know this story is taking literally years to complete, but I have much of it written but not typed. Keep the faith, I will deliver eventually!

Severus stood there, a candle in one hand and a plate in the other. Sirius gasped and threw himself happily into the welcome light.

"Pathetic," Severus repeated, but his voice lacked his usual ferocity.

Soon a fire was burning merrily in the fireplace, and candles dotted the room filling the entire space with light.

"How did you know?" Sirius asked, mouth full.

Severus wrinkled his nose in disgust,

"That you like your chicken a little dry or that you would be hiding under the furniture like a dog afraid of thunder? Too many times have I witnessed your bizarre phobia. That combined with your complete lack of sense made me realize you were probably in need of help," He replied, watching as Sirius devoured sandwich after sandwich.

"I don't know about that…needing help I mean. I was fine all day today, it was only when you came in that things got bad. I just need to remember to keep a light with me at all times and I'll be fine," he placed the now empty plate next to him, avoiding catching Severus' eyes.

"You cannot treat this as you have everything else in your life, Black. You cannot simply run from things when they get too hard, as you always have," Severus replied irritated.

"What do you mean 'run'? I'm a Gryffindor aren't I? I'm not some cowardly Slytherin!" Sirius said indignantly.

"The Whomping Willow incident for example. You knew you had gone too far and sent Potter in to help rather than doing anything yourself. You never owned up to doing anything either,"

"I was just a kid then! People change," Sirius argued.

"You never grew up Black," Severus growled. "You spent thirteen years imprisoned for a crime you did not commit, practically straight out of school. You've spent thirteen years replaying the very worst moments of your life over and over. When you weren't human, you spent time as a dog, which has done wonders for your personality, by the way. The Sirius Black you were meant to grow into does not exist any more," Severus ended his speech at last, eyes flashing.

Sirius stood, anger matching his rival.

"What would you know?! You didn't know me before Azkaban, how can you judge? You didn't face what I did, all those years in the dark! I had no trial, no chance to prove my innocence, while you had Dumbledore backing you the entire way. All he did was condemn me. In one night I lost everything, while you gained all I had lost. Trust, friendship, a life free from you-know-who. You lived it up while I was stuck with the image of my best friend's lifeless face staring up at me," Sirius, who had been shouting, allowed his voice to soften as he referenced James Potter.

Severus had no idea what James had saved him from every summer. Within a week of holidays starting he would arrive on the Potter's doorstep sporting broken bones or black eyes. They never asked any questions, never expected answers, just let him stay. Sirius shook his head, trying to forget. It would do him no good to remember things such as these; he was past that.

Severus was still staring at him with fathomless eyes, anger apparently dissolved. Sirius glanced away, unable to take the intensity in his gaze. Why did he have to be so incredibly confronting all the time?

"Black, I…" but whatever he had been about to say was cut off with a hiss of pain. He clutched his left arm convulsively, and stumbled to the door.

"It's him…inform Dumbledore…" Severus grunted and with a swish of robes headed for the apparition point.

Sirius stared into the darkness after him. Go out into that? He lingered indecisively in the doorway, jumping back into the light occasionally. The warm room seemed to be beckoning invitingly. What if Dumbledore found out he was too scared to deliver a message? Or worse, if Severus was injured and no one was there to help him because Dumbledore did not know he had left in the first place?

He snatched a candle from the shelf, and after a second's thought lit his wand also. Thus prepared, he took his first hesitant step into the dark hallway.

The journey upstairs was the hardest Sirius had ever made. He had scorned any weakness such as the one he was experiencing before Azkaban, and now he realized exactly how hard it was to face something you were afraid of. Each breath he took seemed a miracle to him, every step even more so.

"It's your fault,"

"Harry doesn't need you,"

"You killed Lily and James,"

A myriad of voices came from all around him, trying to stop him from going on. Still he ploughed on; Severus needed him. Finally two gargoyles appeared like magic from the shadows.

"Chocolate Éclair," he gasped, hoping the passwords remained the same as the last time he had visited.

The office was empty when he entered, save for the glow of Fawkes beside the main desk. A light was on in the room adjoining however, and he headed for that. Sirius would have won gold if there were an event for sprinting across offices, for he had never run faster in his life. He did not stop to knock, and simply wrenched the door open and practically fell into the room. The first room he entered seemed like the inside of a giant boiled sweet; black and white lines striped the floors and walls, and a bubblegum green sofa sat in the center of the room. Albus was looking at him with open curiosity, a book open on his lap.

"Severus," gasped Sirius. "Has been called by the Darklord,"

"Oh," said Dumbledore watching the panting man with a kind of amusement. "Why didn't you send a house elf with the message, or a Patronus?"

Sirius felt his heart plummet through his chest and end up somewhere near his toes. He had just run through an absolute nightmare for no reason. Severus' words came back to him "You did not think I would force you out to face your greatest fear? I am afraid even I am not that heartless,"

"Did he say anything of Voldemort's mood? Was Severus in a great deal of pain for example?" Dumbledore's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"He didn't say anything, but yes, he was in a lot of pain," Sirius replied, wondering what Dumbledore was implying.

"Then Voldemort was extremely angry at something, perhaps even Severus himself. Come, we will go and wait for him to return,"

Following Dumbledore through the now well-lit school, Sirius could not help but feel worried. If the Darklord was angry, what did it mean for Severus? What plans did Voldemort have that made stoic Severus cringe so?

They left the castle completely, waiting in the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. They stood side by side, staring into the darkness. For once Sirius could not think of his own fears, while he worried for Severus. Hours passed, but neither spoke. Finally there was a flash of white light, and Severus Snape fell to the ground.

When he arrived at the meeting, Severus instantly knew something was wrong. The other Deatheaters were already there, with Voldemort at their head.

"Ahh, Severus, so nice of you to join us," hissed the Darklord, turning his crimson gaze to the stricken Potions Master.

"Master," Severus said, dropping to one knee. He did not know what he had done but he sensed he was about to be punished-badly. "Forgive me for my tardiness, I had to leave the school first to disapparate…"

"Punctuality…Loyalty. Two things you seem to have difficulty with, Severus," Voldemort replied, grinning maliciously

"I don't understand Master…" Severus cut his words off with a scream as he was struck by the cruciatus curse.

"Perhaps you aren't loyal enough to be on time with the others, hmm?" Voldemort whispered, his face inches from the other man's.

"Master! I am loyal… ARGHH!" Severus gasped as Voldemort suddenly grabbed his arm and dug his fingernails into pale flesh.

"I know where your loyalties lie, Severus Snape. Not with me apparently," he was still smiling cruelly. "My loyal Deatheaters shall each be the cause of your screams before the night is through, my little snake. Goodbye,"

He turned and walked away to enjoy the festivities from a distance. Severus could only watch in terror as they moved forward like a pack of hungry wolves. There was nothing he could do against so many, and he could not apparate due to anti apparition charms.

"Crucio!" said Macnair, starting them off.

A fist smashed into his face, and he felt his nose collapse inwards. Another followed seconds later as teeth fell like rain. He tried to scream in pain but his mouth was full of blood and he only managed a gurgle of terror. Goyle and Crab were jumping up and down on his arms, splintering bones with every step. The torture would last for hours, he knew, because no one was using their wands. They wanted to make it last, make him feel real pain before he died. His pain filled eyes caught sight of Lucius Malfoy, who simply stared back at him.

'_Please,__"_Severus thought. _'__Not him, anything but him,__'_

Lucius was a master of torture. He took him almost lovingly by the hand, ignoring the small sounds of pain as each fingernail fell to the ground. By the time he had reached the second hand, Severus no longer knew whether or not he was screaming. The pain was overwhelming and they had him surrounded. With sudden insight he remembered what lay in his pocket; his only hope. He locked eyes with Lucius, hoping a past friendship would be enough to save him.

"Please," he whispered, barely audible. "Please stop,"

Lucius loosened his grip immediately in surprise. Severus Snape, begging? But with his hand free, Severus caught hold of a coin in his pocket.

"The Forbidden Forest," he thought, and moved with dizzying speed towards the school. His last thought before he blacked out was a mental thank you to Albus Dumbledore for inventing thought activated Port Keys.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

Sirius almost smiled when he saw the light, but his relief was short lived. Severus fell in a heap the second his feet touched the ground.

"Severus!" Sirius shrieked, dashing madly to his side as Dumbledore sent his Patronus up to the castle.

Severus was deeply unconscious, but breath still bubbled bloodily from his lips. Sirius cradled the still form gently as a single tear slid down his face.

"Don't die," he whispered into the matted hair. "I need you. When you're around I don't feel so alone any more,"

Dumbledore was beside them, waving his wand in complicated circles he could not follow. Some of the smaller wounds were healing, but it would take a professional to fully heal him. Madam Pomfrey arrived within minutes, still in her nightdress. She pushed Sirius away and began work in earnest. She levitated him and hurried to the castle, leaving the two other wizards to follow in her wake.

In the infirmary Madam Pomfrey worked steadily on her sudden patient for hours, administering potion after potion and spell after spell until physical exhaustion caused her to stop.

"He's stable, but there is no more I can do myself. I suggest you owl St. Mungo's for another healer, Dumbledore," she said as she wearily left the room.

Albus left also, presumably to do as the mediwitch suggested, leaving Sirius alone with Severus. As soon as the door closed behind Dumbledore he was by his side. Desperately he wanted to touch him, verify he was still truly alive, but he could not. Despite Madam Pomfrey's best work he was still covered in injuries. Sirius could not even see an area unblemished.

"Oh Snape, this is all my fault," he whispered, burying his face into his hands. Everyone he touched got hurt or died; even his enemy turned confidante. Something touched his head and startled him from his tears.

"Am I dead?" a voice asked hoarsely.

Severus was staring at him through half-lidded eyes, pain obvious on his face.

"No," Sirius whispered.

"I must be, because Sirius Black is crying for me," Severus groaned.

Sirius let his fingers fall onto a small patch of unblemished skin on Severus' cheek.

"You told me the other day that you don't care about me. I'm telling you now that I do care about you. Seeing you like this makes me realize how much I value or friendship, or whatever it is we have," Sirius said entirely seriously.

Severus was watching him blankly.

"I was lying," he replied. "It pained me to see you as you have been lately. I missed our rivalry,"

Sirius felt a lump grow in his throat. It seemed he still had a friend after all. What he did not see was Dumbledore behind them, watching in awed silence.

The mediwizard arrived before morning, healing Severus as he slept. Sirius had slept also, curled up as a dog in a chair beside him. Even he found the idea of a friendship with Severus odd; anyone who had known them as teenagers would have thought they had stepped into a peculiar dream had they seen the two together.

When Severus awoke, physically he felt much better than he had during his conversation with Sirius the night before. With a start he realized that he had told Sirius he cared. Voldemort would pry that thought from his mind like a cat at a sardine can. As his mind caught up with reality, he remembered he would not be returning to the clutches of the evil maniac. He rolled over, his arm hitting something warm and solid outside his bed. Sirius. He had stayed with him all night; why? Severus slowly propped himself up as his body protested violently. He gazed down at the still sleeping Sirius, his frozen heart thawing slightly. Was this man so like a dog that once his friendship was won, he was faithful to the same degree as a canine?

After some time had passed, Sirius stirred and smiled doggishly at him. Sirius turned back into a human.

"Our situation has been reversed. You slept by me the other night, and now I've returned the favor. It's good to see you looking better,"

Sirius smiled at him. His matted hair was oddly enduring, but Severus would never voice such thoughts. He was saved from further musings by the arrival of Albus Dumbledore.

"Severus m'boy, glad to see you awake. Sirius could you perhaps give us a few minutes? There is something I would like to discuss with Severus now he is awake," he smiled apologetically at the animagus, who immediately left the room.

"He knows, Albus. He knows of my treachery. I would be dead if not for that Port key," Severus said bluntly. He spoke as if his life did not matter much; this attitude was one that made him an awesome spy and a pathetic person.

"I guessed as much. From your state last night, it was obvious they had turned on you. Do not worry, as I know you will, that you cannot collect information for us any longer. I want you to rest, take some time off. The mediwizard from St. Mungo's informs me you were on the verge of collapse even if you had not received such horrific injuries last night. Between spying, teaching, marking and taking care of your Sirius, you're exhausted and getting beaten by a large group of Death eaters only worsened your condition,"

"Losing all your fingernails will do that," Severus replied dryly. He had tried to raise an eyebrow in reference to 'your Sirius' but soon realized it was far too painful to refute it. (A/N emotionally or physically? Take your pick!)

"I am serious. It would kill me to lose you, Severus, and I won't stand idly by and watch you kill yourself out of guilt. What you overheard that night in the Hog's Head should not define your entire life today. Lily would never have allowed you to get like this, and even James would be horrified at what you are risking. You need to put yourself first for once," Dumbledore's blue eyes shone behind his half moon glasses, but Severus just felt awkward. Albus had never lied about his affection, but he had never been so obvious either. Severus had neither acknowledged nor reciprocated his friendship in any way.

"So I'll take some time off then," he said casually.

Dumbledore sighed, but there was nothing more he could say. Severus would find his own way, in time.

Predictably, Severus was out of bed that day. Both Madam Pomfrey and the other mediwizard had advised against it, but Severus ignored their advice. Sirius hovered unobtrusively nearby, on hand at any time. Sirius ensured he slept enough however, and would not let him over exert himself.

"Really, Black. I can prepare my own tea! I'm not disabled you know,"

Sirius looked down at him severely.

"I watched you bleed out of almost every part of your body last night and you expect me to just leave you alone? I think not,"

Severus looked bemused. At Sirius' insistence, he was seated in a large armchair, blankets on his knees and a large potions text resting there also.

"Black, no one else cares if I live or not, so why should you? Half the student population would do the job themselves and not think anything of it," he said dryly.

"Well whatever they think, I don't want you dead. I want to take care of you," Sirius replied a pink blush spreading across his face.

"Oh," Severus said with a matching blush.

Sirius suddenly felt his mouth go dry and he turned away. He suddenly felt self conscious in front of Severus but he could not explain why.

"Here, tea," he said gruffly to cover his embarrassment

"Thanks," Severus replied, staring in the opposite direction.

There was awkward silence broken by the gentle tapping on the door.

"Enter," said Severus after taking a sip of tea.

"Severus," Albus smiled, entering the room. "I have thought about your decision to take some time off following recent events. I believe a holiday would be most beneficial, as does your nurse. There is however, the question of protection from Voldemort,"

"A holiday?!!" Severus spluttered, spilling his tea. "What am I meant to do on a holiday?"

"Relax, get better and have some fun for once. I have a small family cottage in an undisclosed location. Two weeks there and you won't know yourself," Albus replied.

Next to him, Severus felt Sirius physically tense.

"May I be excused, Headmaster?" he asked with a grimace.

Albus nodded, barely acknowledging him. Sirius left the room without a backwards glance.

"It is kind of you, but I would prefer to remain at Hogwarts," Severus insisted firmly.

"There is no room for disagreement, Severus. It is imperative that you go," Albus replied equally insistent.

"Are you forcing me, Albus?" Severus asked, voice dangerously low.

Albus' twinkle disappeared as he looked into Severus' onyx depths.

"If it comes to that, then yes, yes I am," Albus replied, trying to match Severus' icy demeanor and failing miserably.

"And what of Black?" Severus asked

"Black will not wither up and die because you aren't here,"

"Are you entirely sure of that?" Severus asked, managing to raise an eyebrow.

Albus looked startled.

"What exactly are you implying? Sirius will be perfectly fine, he cannot leave the castle after all," he answered.

"Cannot?" repeated Severus puzzled.

"It is impossible for him to leave the grounds. There are spells in place against it," Albus replied.

"WHAT?! You've imprisoned him here?" Severus practically squawked.

"I would not have put it that way-"

"He hates being at Hogwarts, it dredges up all his memories of when he went to school here with his dead friends, and you force him to stay here? If I go wherever you're sending me, I insist that he comes too, if only to get him out of the castle for a time," he reddened considerably, but hoped Albus would put it down to over exertion.

"You WANT Sirius to be with you?" Dumbledore asked in disbelief

Severus seemed to think hard about this.

"Yes," he said simply.

"Well he shall be your responsibility then. But you must ensure he does not leave. He will endanger every member of the order if he is captured," Albus relented.

"Fine," muttered Severus pretended not to care.

Sirius meanwhile had returned to his rooms, a downcast expression on his face. Severus would be leaving him, and for some reason it filled him with a terrible despair.

He had only been alone for a few minutes however when the door opened. Severus stood there, panting with the toll of walking after him. The two studied each other, but Severus turned away first as if satisfied with what he saw.

"It upsets you that I'm leaving, doesn't it?" Severus asked with a soft smile.

Sirius tried hard to keep the emotion from his face and failed, but refused to answer aloud. If Severus had come here to gloat about him being imprisoned in the castle, he was not going to give him the satisfaction.

"In that case, it might interest you to know that you're coming with me," Severus said.

Sirius did not hear him at first, engrossed in his thoughts as he was.

"What?" he asked after a few seconds silence.

"You're coming with me," Severus repeated with a smirk.

"YES!" Sirius yelped, hugging Snape in delight before he realized what he was doing.

It was only when Severus grunted in pain that he released him sheepishly.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"It's fine," Severus replied gruffly, massaging his ribs. "You'd better get ready; Dumbledore wants us to leave soon,"

"Do you have any idea where we're going?" Sirius whispered to Severus, who shook his head in response.

"Ah, here we are," Dumbledore had been ruffling through his drawers and came up with an empty lemon drop packet.

Both men looked at each other with raised eyebrows

"All you have to do is think the word "Iluka" and off you pop!"

"Right," Severus said as they spun away to their strange destination


	8. Chapter 8

"Woahh!" cried Sirius falling to the ground.

Severus managed to remain composed and on his feet, although it was difficult.

"Iluka? Is that the name of this place do you think?" Sirius asked.

"Yes, I believe so. Dumbledore usually does that with thought activated Port Keys," Severus explained.

They could hear the gently lapping ocean outside; obviously this would be a perfect place for a holiday. It was however very dark in the building they were in.

"It's night time! It was still early when we left!" Sirius said suddenly.

"We must be in another country then," Severus said curiously looking out the window.

"Yeah, but which one?" Sirius asked, thinking out loud.

"I am many things, Black, but psychic is not one of them," Severus growled.

"Let's go outside then and look!" Sirius shouted, suddenly excited.

"It could be dangerous! We don't even know where we are!" Severus protested, but he allowed himself to be dragged outside anyway.

"There's something different about this sky, isn't there?" Sirius said, looking up at the stars.

"You're talking to someone who failed astronomy at school, remember?" Severus chided, but there was not real malice in his voice. Even he felt the difference however; there was something strange afoot. Dumbledore had really done it this time.

They spent the night trying to sleep while not really feeling tired. They reasoned however that it would be better to adjust to this country's normal daylight hours if they were to stay there two weeks. Unable to sleep at all, Sirius loudly wondered where they were until Severus felt like shoving a pillow down his throat. Iluka was not much of a clue; neither of them knew geography very well, and even if they did, neither left Europe very much.

With the dawn they left in a hurry, heading towards the beach. The sun seemed to glare insistently at them, and with his lack of sleep Severus was in a foul mood.

They spotted an early morning beach fisherman, and Severus wondered exactly how they were going to ask where they are without sounding foolish.

"Mornin'" grunted the fisherman as they neared.

"Nice day here in…" Sirius paused hopefully, waiting for the Fisherman to finish his sentence. When he did not, Sirius finished with the word "Iluka,"

"Mmm," grunted the man, essentially ignoring them both.

As they walked away Severus muttered. "Nice one!" under his breath.

They kept walking, looking with anticipation for any familiar sight. Not far from the beach, strangely enough, was what looked like a rainforest, and grazing on a patch of grass in front of it-

"A Kangaroo!" Severus shouted, scaring it.

"But kangaroos live in Australia," Sirius said staring stupidly at it.

"Australia," growled Severus. "The mad old coot sent us to Australia!"

They returned to the cottage, Severus fuming. He knew however, that if they attempted to leave the area the protection spell would break, and Voldemort would know where he was at once. It did not stop his anger however and Sirius laughingly kept his distance.

"Come on Sevvie, it should be fun to be in a new country! We have two weeks with no stress, no war-"

"No wand," Severus interrupted. "And don't call me 'Sevvie'"

"What?" gasped Sirius patting his pockets desperately. Without his wand he felt like he had in Azkaban; completely defenseless.

Severus looked absolutely terrified. Obviously he had not been without his wand since he received it at the age of twelve. That he was so scared without it was worrying. He did not say another word, merely wandered inside and flopped down in the nearest chair. Yet again Sirius was stuck wondering whether Severus Snape was allowed to be classified as 'cute'. He was pouting and his expression grew worse the more Sirius laughed, which in turn made Sirius laugh all the more.

"Black, shut up!" growled Severus.

"Ha…ha…ha…" gasped Sirius falling to the ground in laughter.

Severus threw a cushion at him, scowling. Sirius threw it back with another thrown in for good measure.

"If it's a pillow fight you want, I'm still the crowned champion of Gryffindor!" Shrieked Sirius pummeling him.

Severus yelped. "No, I yield! I yield!"

He did not want to admit it, but he was still bruised all over and even this small effort had taxed him. Sirius noticed this and the laughter left his eyes. Having seen Severus' condition a few nights ago he had no plans to repeat it.

"I'm fine," Severus insisted when he saw Sirius was worried.

"I'm sure you are. I've had enough of losing friends lately though," Sirius replied painfully.

"Is that what we are, friends?" Severus asked wistfully, as if he had never heard such a word in reference to himself.

"Of course we are!" Sirius replied, an air of grief still obvious about his demeanor.

"Have you grieved for him?" Severus asked suddenly, black eyes twinkling unfathomably.

Sirius did not need to ask whom Severus was referring. He simply shook his head.

Severus wished there was something he could say or do to take that pain away. Standing before him was a man so incredibly complex, pain tangled tightly inside him. All of his problems seemed insurmountable, his grief not the least of these. Remus had been gone for only a short time, but Sirius had barely acknowledged it.

"It's ok though," Sirius replied quickly- too quickly.

Severus arched an eyebrow but decided it was best not to say anything until Sirius wanted to talk about it.

"Don't look at me like that! What am I meant to do?" Sirius asked.

I've told you before. You need to face things instead of pretending you're fine and then having a breakdown when you don't want one," replied Severus.

"Yeah, because you're so good at this emotional crap, aren't you?' sneered Sirius. "How about you stop telling me how to live my life and look at your own?"

Severus felt like he had been dealt a physical blow. He did not however show any outward sign of emotion; he was far too proud for that. Nor did he know what to say in return; all of a sudden he felt an enormous lump in the back of his throat.

"I didn't mean that," Sirius said suddenly. Even though Severus had intended none of his emotions to show, his entire withdrawal was obvious.

"What did you mean then?" Severus asked quietly.

"I was just angry at my own weakness, I guess. I took it out on you. I'm sorry," Sirius sounded contrite, but Severus arched an eyebrow in disbelief.

"It sounds strange to hear you apologize," Severus said simply.

"Huh? Why?" Sirius asked.

"Of all the things you have done to me over the years, you apologize to me for this? It is strange that's all,"

Sirius reddened. The man in front of him was not the boy he had terrorized as a child. Here was someone oddly compassionate and interesting. Sirius had not been in a relationship since before Azkaban, and it had been a long time.

"What are you staring at?" Severus asked bewildered.

"You," growled Sirius with a trace of his former charm.

A delightful pink blush spread across Severus' face as he turned away.

"Well you won't see much looking at me," he scoffed.

"Oh but I do see things. Things I like," Sirius growled once more.

"Ok. Stop. Remember whom you are talking to," Severus pulled himself from the chair, intending to make an escape.

Sirius stared at him long and hard.

"You know, I think I do know who you are. Severus Snape I presume?" he said keeping a straight face.

"Be serious, Sirius," Severus stopped, realizing he had just uttered the biggest Harry Potter pun ever.

"I am being serious. You're an attractive guy and I've been alone for a long time. What's the problem?"

Severus' eyes widened and his nostrils flared.

"So I'm some casual relief, is that it?" he asked.

"Oh Merlin no! It's not like that…" but Severus was barely listening, instead choosing to stare at the window with a furious look on his face.

Instinctively Sirius moved behind him, blocking his escape.

"Move," Severus said flatly.

"No," Sirius responded playfully. He caught the other man's wrists as he tried to brush past, and fought his struggles to gentle press his lips against unresponsive ones.

"I'm not doing this because you're the only one here, or to embarrass you or to make you mad. Although you're kind of cute when you're angry,"

Severus closed his eyes, willing himself not to respond.

"Sirius, please," he whispered against insistent lips.

Sirius pulled back but did not release his hold.

"You don't like it?" Sirius asked, cocking his head to one side.

"No it's not that. It's wonderful," replied Severus uncomfortably.

"Then why stop?" Sirius murmured leaning in close again.

Severus pushed him away.

"Because you change lovers more often than underwear, and I'm not some common whore you can screw and leave. I do not have casual relations,"

"You don't have lasting ones either," Sirius replied, miffed.

"Exactly. And that's why I've never…" Severus cut himself short, looking horrified at what had almost come out of his mouth.

"You never…you're a virgin?!!" Sirius cried out in realization.

Severus did not answer verbally, but it was obvious all the same.

They spent the rest of the afternoon actively avoiding each other. Severus simply had no wish to discuss his personal life, or lack thereof, with a nymphomaniac like Black. Sirius was embarrassed his overture had been rejected and the secret he had uncovered in the process. Still, how was he meant to know that Severus was a virgin? Sure, he himself had chased away anyone who even tried to talk to Severus while they were at school, but there had been thirteen years while Sirius was in prison for him to get over that. With a jolt Sirius realized it was probably his fault that Severus remained a virgin. Everyone had been doing it at Hogwarts; everyone who married afterwards seemed to stay within their friend group or house group. Severus had no friends, thanks to Sirius. The other man was glaring out the window, a book prone in his lap. He did not do casual relationships according to his own admission. That only left one thing. Could Sirius commit to anyone, given his reckless behavior and non-committal attitude?


End file.
